Philippines Trip Reflections No. 2

I figured since I’m mostly over the jet lag and lack of conventional appetite it was probably time for another trip report…so here goes.

Even though I was only in the Philippines a short time, some days I find myself craving the simplicity of missionary life as it compares to the complexity of some of the things back home. It feels like I complicate my life for no good reason sometimes, with worries and obligations and perceptions and fears that really aren’t necessary. Every day while I was abroad, I had more and more opportunities to commit my insecurities and worries to God, trusting his ability to do anything and everything. Here, I find myself having to learn the same lessons over and over again and not trusting him with the same measure of faith that seemed to come easier while in the Philippines.

Yesterday I was in the grocery store, buying a mango and various dinner supplies (after a wonderful midafternoon snack of garlic rice at the Filipino restaurant nearby) and acutely felt a collision of worlds as I gathered my bag to leave. You see, my first evening back in town, we went to the farm market for our groceries. It felt good to artificially preserve simplicity as we browsed the stands with our market bags, sampling fresh produce. It was sunny and warm. Fast forward to yesterday, where few in the supermarket would even make eye contact, and I felt cold and enclosed. I wanted desperately to be elsewhere.

Today, if I had to pick the thing I miss the most about the Philippines, it would be the openness. Literally and figuratively. Not only are people more open there, but the buildings are as well. Especially in the hours following the midday heat, it is exceedingly more pleasant to be outside instead of inside, where the fans cease to hum during the frequent brownouts. So much takes place outside, and even inside, windows stay open and to me it just feels less separate. And for a girl who gets soul-sick with too much separation and too many hours indoors…let’s just say I don’t struggle with a need for my world to be sterile and clean and perfect all the time. Having a little dirt under my fingernails is pretty standard.

But then I suppose those are just things I like about travel, period. Movement, simplicity, adventure, new friends…it’s not just in the Philippines. Trusting that basic needs will be met, and that the rest of them are luxuries…these are things I can be and do back home. (It’s funny, I find myself referring to wherever I happen to be sleeping on any given night as “home” during that day.) There are few things I need in this world, and while my trip to the Philippines didn’t make me feel like I was living an extravagant life with excessive trappings, it did serve to emphasize the importance of the few things that matter most to me. What I’m supposed to do with myself now, I have no idea. I’m just taking it one day at a time.